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WOMAN - A Chemical Analysis
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                               Workplace 
                            Hazardous Materials 
                       Material Safety Data Sheet

ELEMENT
     WOMAN

SYMBOL
      Wo2

ATOMIC MASS
       Accepted as 125 lbs. but known to vary from 100 to 500 lbs.

OCCURRENCE
      Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1.  Surface usually covered with a painted film 
2.  Boils at nothing, freezes without reason
3.  Melts if given special treatment 
4.  Bitter if incorrectly used
5.  Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore 
6.  Yields to pressure if applied to correct points

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1.  Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious
    	stones 
2.  Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3.  May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no
	known reason 
4.  Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by
	saturation in alcohol
5.  Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES
1.  Highly ornamental especially in sports cars 
2.  Can be great aid to relaxation

TESTS
1.  Pure specimen turns rosy when discovered in the natural state 
2.  Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

HAZARDS
1.  Highly dangerous except in experienced hands 
2.  Illegal to possess more than one